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A Week at the Gym..One Man's Story...

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  • A Week at the Gym..One Man's Story...

    A WEEK AT THE GYM: ONE MAN'S STORY...

    If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with
    you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular
    workout routine.

    Dear Diary:

    For my 24th birthday this year, my friend Werner purchased a week of
    personal training at the Virgin health club for me. Although I am still in
    great shape since playing for my varsity rugby team 18yrs ago, I decided it
    would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

    I called the club and made my reservation with a personal trainer named
    Belinda, who identified herself as a 26 yr. old aerobics instructor and
    model for athletic clothing and swimwear.

    Werner seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged
    me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

    MONDAY:

    Started my day at 6:00am . Tough to get out of bed, but it was well worth it
    when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She was
    something of a Greek goddess with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling
    white smile.

    Woo Hoo!!!!!

    She took my pulse after 5 minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my
    pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra
    aerobics outfit. I enjoyed watching the skilful way in which she conducted
    her aerobics class after my workout today.

    Very inspiring, Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, Although my gut
    was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is
    going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

    TUESDAY:

    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda
    made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air, and then she
    put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made
    the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel
    GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

    WEDNESDAY:

    The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on the toothbrush on the
    counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a
    hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or
    stop. I parked on top of a moped in the club parking lot. Belinda was
    impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered the other club
    members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when
    she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

    My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair
    monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity
    rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in
    shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh.t too.

    THURSDAY:

    Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin,
    cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an
    hour late; it took me that long to tie my *****.

    Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran
    and hid in the men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment,
    put me on the rowing machine-which I sank.

    FRIDAY:

    I hate that b.tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other
    human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little
    cheerleading b.itch . If there were a part of my body I could move without
    unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my
    triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if she didn't want dents in the
    floor, she shouldn't have handed me the*&%#(#&** barbells or anything that
    weighs more than a sandwich.

    The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
    Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir
    director?

    SATURDAY:

    Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice
    wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to
    smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even
    use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather
    Channel.

    SUNDAY:

    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
    thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year, Werner
    (the D*os), will choose a gift for me that is fun -like a root canal or a
    vasectomy!!

    Manny(THE ALIEN LEADER)
    Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group


    www.astralengineering.net
    www.masqueradecreations.com

  • #2
    Re: A Week at the Gym..One Man's Story...

    ha ha ha.......funny

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: A Week at the Gym..One Man's Story...

      great one, astral..
      Liz
      www.sebastopolparty.com
      www.raynordescendents.com

      Ring the bells that still can ring

      Comment

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