Aloha, I have been able to link my contact (email) page and the preview page. The text links won't hold the url in the link window for some reason. Please read the preview and tell me what you think. Did I put enough info or too much info in there? I changed the index page, both icons and the text. I am wide open for constructive criticism. I await your comments.

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www.hawaiionyourown.com

Scuba diver..

Your intro article is fantastic.. but I'm a fraid that's all it is, an article.. You are selling a product and putting your convincing argument in writing.. a mammoth task.. any e-caommerce expert would tell you that selling on the net is difficult because you don't see the person you are talking to, nor do you have a chance to converse or debate.. In effect, you can only have one shot at every potential customer.. therefore, your message needs to be strong focused and convincing.. you are not selling Oahu.. you are selling the knowledge to save money. That is where your focus should be.

Some tips:

Your product has a description, features and benefits.

Briefly describe the ebook.
List the features in point form.
List the benefits in point form.

Avoid negative language, example:

Taking a vacation in Hawaii could prove costly, but we can show you the way to pay less.. 'Not good..
You can save hundreds, if not thousands of dollars, by taking charge of your own vacation without having to relay on costly tours, our ebook shows you exactly how to do this... 'Better'.

This is my view and I am by no means an industrial or commercial writer, but these are little knowledge that I picked up along the way of dealing with online businesses.

Cheers.

I also noticed somethings.
I agree with the wording. Onething I have noticed while surfing websites. Are people like pictures. In the society today, my experience is that people don't have time to sit down and read.

What will cause your site to stand out? Let's say I hit this site looking for Hawaii.. What would say, ooh I need to check this out further. Maybe take the 1st page and put it on anther one that sits off of this one. The front page, maybe somethign about you. Who are you in less than 2 paragraphs ( short ). Then pictures :)

1- Buy on front page. Would have lost me. I suggest within after more products were shown.

2-http://www.hawaiionyourown.com/preview.html 2nd and 3rd picture are sitting on the paragraph. Also, the text is too light compared to the rich picture you have as a background. Either make the picture transparent or darken the words some more.

3-Also, work with consistant font.

4- Some of the links on index page are deadends. Maybe wrong address or new pages needing to be made? If they are new pages. I suggest point to a construction page. So, when someone clicks on them then they know you are working on it. Or, don't have the pictures linking anywhere.

I would like to see where your site goes. Good idea.

Thanks,
Stratis

I wrote a new sales page and you can click on "newindex." Tell me if you would buy the ebook.

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www.hawaiionyourown.com

Some of your pictures are overlapping your words on the preview page, sorry what is going on with your new index page. Your doing a good job, just needs a little more work.

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Sharon Chajin
www.fastlincs.com
www.memoriesofangels.com
Off to Work! Love my job!

I like the site, and of course love the idea of being able to do Hawaii on my own cheaper; ie, would most likely buy the book.
Having said that -
it would be nice if the text was broken up with a few pictures, and not necessarily symetrically - know what I mean? sort of like this:

PICTURE text text text text text
text text text text text
text text text text text text text text
text text PICTURE

text text text text text text text text
text text text text text text text text

I like that style better than bullets, as it allows you to do more of a narrative, which is sort of what you have going here.

Also, when you show samples of what is in the book, pictures inserted in the narrative there would be good too.
Just my thoughts,
good luck,
Liz
www.sebastopolparty.com

Hi there,
Looks like you have put some hard work in so far. I think the idea is great but I would really like to see info on small hotels and bed and breakfast places that are not on the radar as far as other commercial sites. If I wanted to come to Hawaii on the cheap I would want to stay somewhere a bit more organic than a package hotel! Any chance you can include this sort of stuff. Also, directions are great but a map or diagram is more user friendly (although a lot more work).
The new index page is much better as it tells the viewer what the site is for straight away. Tell them who you are and why you know so much about the real Hawaii as this is really what you are selling.
Construction wise: The picture links on the old index don't really make sense to me - I want to click on the text "Preview" etc. Also the Hula picture is not showing - Just a red cross- makle sure you insert the photo.The sales link does not work - have you published the page and is it called "sales" ?
The blue background on new index disappears at point 6 and does not reach all the way across the page
Item 4 is missing!
Start each section with a capital letter
Some sections (5, 6 & have two .. rather than one, after the number.
You need to supply a link back from the preview page, or at least open in a new window.
In Preview - make the links work - i.e. www.chinatownhi.com will take the viewer there
Preview- pictures still overlap text (see previous posts) and different sized text is annoying.
I think you need to organise the info a little clearer, maybe colourcode sections on eating, beaches, vehicle hire.... AND have a menu showing them. It looks like you have done this but explain it to the viewer and maybe use the menu of sections as a sales tool.
I would not give away as much info in preview- maybe only show one section, such as beaches, rather than a bit of each. Then show the menu of sections (as above).
FINALLY - give some indication of how much info the buyer can expect i.e 27 beaches, 40 restaurants?
After all that - I think the site will look brilliant when finished. I hope my comments will help you refine and hone Hawaii on your own. I really liked the surf picture and text on the Contact page - maybe use that as a logo throughout the site?
Good luck, and I'll check back in a few days to see how it's coming along

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Helga

www.compasslandscapes.com

I like your ideas and I will think about them as I make my changes.

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www.hawaiionyourown.com