Thread: Disorder in the American Courts

You might have seen this before, but it's too funny ...

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: ***** sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: &n bsp; How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

That's Great!! How you doing Ladyeye! Haven't talk much with you lately. Just seem to go around in circles here...

Originally Posted by Dream Lady

That's Great!! How you doing Ladyeye! Haven't talk much with you lately. Just seem to go around in circles here...

lol Cindy .... yaa..... left you a post under the veterans thread .... just "goofing" around lately, one more day left, and then I gotta get serious, lol .... awe ..... Everything okay on your site now I take it!! Gr8888tttt!!

Yea....been working all day making some changes. Weird things happening when I publish, but at least I can publish and things are for the most part, the way I want them. I've been messing around with web stuff too much. I gotta get back to making a living. I still need to check on a few things for you. I have heard that we aren't in Canada yet, but I am trying to get that verified, so hopefully next week I'll get back with you.

It seems strange calling you Ladyeye without your eye to look at? I haven't used your real name, since I haven't seen you use it on the forums anywhere. Do you still want me to use Ladyeye to address you on here?

So glad that the wrinkles are getting ironed out, was stressful for you for sure ... next week is cool ... Iam not at home now or I'd post a pic of my "Lady" ... lol ... that's not my eye, but my doggie ... lol .... yeah, I lost my eye in the avatar change over, I do miss it .... lol

Cindy, the only one on here who has ever referred to me by my name is Carlos .... ha ha .... and I think he thinks I did not notice .... lol ... a few times he did, lol .... was not a typo ... hee hee ... was part of my chuckle the other nite with Carlos ..... I have a funny coming up for Carlos, just as soon as I get home and with some help from Kate ... lol ... can't wait ... oh Eye's a Poet!!

But Cindy .... no I do not mind .... You and whomever likes may call me
Holly :)

So are you doing to reclaim your eye back? (i mean your dogs eye..lol) I may stick with my tanny pic for now. Unless I come across a really funny avatar that suits me.

Yea, I've seen the goings on about something for Carlos. I can't wait to see what you and Kate have up your sleeve. You are going to post it here right? If not, include me on the email list, ok?

Well, I guess I better call it a night. Talk to you later! Sweet Dreams!!

kk .... and yes yes .... Kate is waiting on the email now too ... have got to get home ... lol ... limited access here in my wilderness, lol ....

Haev a good nite!~!

Again, a fine HollyJolly to continue my folly!
Thank you for a big grin when it was needed.

Originally Posted by Vasili

Again, a fine HollyJolly to continue my folly!
Thank you for a big grin when it was needed.

hee hee just don't call me Polly ... lol "cause I don't want a cracker" lol
and no Holly Hobby either .... lol .... this Holly is fussy ...

Golly!
Feeling Wolly Polly after eating so much Thai, I literally have to crawly down the hallway that feels so smally, Dolly!

FINE......back to cooking dinner........( I don't get me....I go from being five to fifty in a heartbeat)

I don't get it.... why do you think those questions are funny...!!!!

Maybe a couple are a little bit out of order, but think about the rest of them and you'll find they are all fully justified.

I know you think I'm joking.. and that's funny... coz I'm not...lol

Carlos....I am just as confused as you trying to understand our gals!
I am afraid they re having way too much fun changing the Rules every 15 minutes and watching us squirm to take anything seriously. Typical.
And here I was getting ready to be part of the "repopulation" crew......

Originally Posted by Vasili

Carlos....I am just as confused as you trying to understand our gals!
I am afraid they re having way too much fun changing the Rules every 15 minutes and watching us squirm to take anything seriously. Typical.
And here I was getting ready to be part of the "repopulation" crew......

Vasili.. I hear you loud and clear.. and I couldn't agree more.. It appears that these lovely ladies are afraid that changing the rules more often than every 15 minutes would be a little too much of rule changing, so they decided to the limit the right to change to themselves thinking that by that they would prevent the change to happen every 7.5 minutes.. If they only knew that the only change we would do is to fix what they ruin...lol

And yes.. repopulation crew we all are.. after all, how dare we think we are good for anything else.... right girls..?? lol

Originally Posted by Vasili

Golly!
Feeling Wolly Polly after eating so much Thai, I literally have to crawly down the hallway that feels so smally, Dolly!

FINE......back to cooking dinner........( I don't get me....I go from being five to fifty in a heartbeat)

Awe Vasili, you're so silly, but you are a dilly, hope you get filly and can't crawl up hilly to find your pilly you silly willy!! lol

Originally Posted by ez-ez

I don't get it.... why do you think those questions are funny...!!!!

Maybe a couple are a little bit out of order, but think about the rest of them and you'll find they are all fully justified.

I know you think I'm joking.. and that's funny... coz I'm not...lol

Holy S--- hee hee
Well I am totally confused now, questions, I don't remember answering, lol .... Carlos Joke?? - never .... lol ........ but I am laughing!! hee hee hee

Vasili - Carlos....I am just as confused as you trying to understand our gals!
I am afraid they re having way too much fun changing the Rules every 15 minutes and watching us squirm to take anything seriously. Typical.
And here I was getting ready to be part of the "repopulation" crew......

Originally Posted by ez-ez

Vasili.. I hear you loud and clear.. and I couldn't agree more.. It appears that these lovely ladies are afraid that changing the rules more often than every 15 minutes would be a little too much of rule changing, so they decided to the limit the right to change to themselves thinking that by that they would prevent the change to happen every 7.5 minutes.. If they only knew that the only change we would do is to fix what they ruin...lol

And yes.. repopulation crew we all are.. after all, how dare we think we are good for anything else.... right girls..?? lol

oh Carlos ... fix what they ruin ... lmao .... have never seen that, I ask for proof

yes Vasili ... we like to watch you squirm, lol .... you silly willy but you're a dilly .... lol

Men will always be confused, cause they just don't listen, please re-read the rules, lol ....

Where are those aliens ........ awe ... they are right here .... beem them up scotty!!

Honey! When I squirm, the ladies love it - they say it is "living the legend"!
('nuff said)

Carlos: Always remember that when a lady screams that we "screwed it up" we are allowed (due to our persistent non-listenening skills) to interpret that as "screw enough?" and for us to spin around and march right back where we started! LOL

lol ..... I repeat ......

lmao

Awe Vasili, you're so silly, but you are a dilly, hope you get filly and can't crawl up hilly to find your pilly you silly willy!! lol

lol

OK, that's enough taffy for you little girl! Try this pickle! LOLOL

Christ! It's Monday, and even I feel like going on down to the local Pub....if only to have a double expresso and watch the others get stupid!
If it wasn't raining and so dreary feeling, I could see sitting out on the patio with a cigar trying to detach from all the nonsense.....go home, cook up a small but really nice plate, and hang out with my HeartMaster.....dream on, I suppose....

Originally Posted by Vasili

OK, that's enough taffy for you little girl! Try this pickle! LOLOL

Christ! It's Monday, and even I feel like going on down to the local Pub....if only to have a double expresso and watch the others get stupid!
If it wasn't raining and so dreary feeling, I could see sitting out on the patio with a cigar trying to detach from all the nonsense.....go home, cook up a small but really nice plate, and hang out with my HeartMaster.....dream on, I suppose....

lol .... that's in response to your wolly polly smally dolly lol ... ha ha

lol .... yeah, always stupid when one is not "tuning in" eh! Isn't that funny.

I suppose you are still at the office, of course, it's plenty dark here, and it's not raining now either, we did have a ton .... but you really must eat sweet silly vasili and then you really willy be milly vasili back to silly which is where you need to be amongst it all .... :) Keep the chin up, except for chomping ... :) and well other things too :)

Originally Posted by LadyEye

lol .... that's in response to your wolly polly smally dolly lol ... ha ha

lol .... yeah, always stupid when one is not "tuning in" eh! Isn't that funny.

I suppose you are still at the office, of course, it's plenty dark here, and it's not raining now either, we did have a ton .... but you really must eat sweet silly vasili and then you really willy be milly vasili back to silly which is where you need to be amongst it all .... :) Keep the chin up, except for chomping ... :) and well other things too :)

You mention dessert before dinner again?? Uff! Can't we be entirely secretive???? Mmm-mmm-mmmmm
Naughty....and nice!

Originally Posted by Vasili

You mention dessert before dinner again?? Uff! Can't we be entirely secretive???? Mmm-mmm-mmmmm
Naughty....and nice!

lol ... like wild herbs and rice .... absolutely no order necessary, would only create chaos .... lol ....

I NEVER leave anything for "leftovers"....('cept a smile on the face!)

HA HA I'm still laughing now