Thread: A joke to make you smile: Christmas Trees and Oinions

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

great one - have to remember it
ann

lol Mandy

very good!

lol ........ payback is a %$##% isn't it ........

Originally Posted by LadyEye

lol ........ payback is a %$##% isn't it ........

Oh, hush there, Missy!
You know that Christmas Trees make even you jolly when all lit up!

Good One, Mandy! Keep 'em coming!
LOL

Originally Posted by Vasili

Oh, hush there, Missy!
You know that Christmas Trees make even you jolly when all lit up!

Good One, Mandy! Keep 'em coming!
LOL

aha ... you are so funny sometimes Vasili ....you light me up, or am I just having a holly jolly good time ... (I can only imagine this may get worse in the coming days of the holiday that nears us ... lol)

methinks you need some serious doting attention and to be treated to a personal retreat to rejuvenate you...body and soul........someone to whisk you away and make you feel whole....

(and lay off the candy canes, Darling, they are making you so sugar-wired your twinkling Eye is shooting stars!) LOL

Loved it Mandy

Originally Posted by Vasili

methinks you need some serious doting attention and to be treated to a personal retreat to rejuvenate you...body and soul........someone to whisk you away and make you feel whole....

(and lay off the candy canes, Darling, they are making you so sugar-wired your twinkling Eye is shooting stars!) LOL

Retreat ... indeed ... Eye have my Eye on A Personal Retreat, Truly Personal, It's on An Island, Just Waiting to be Famed, oh my, now that's shooting for the stars and is darn near burning my eye out ... kind of like that yacht you shoot for .... not really a fan of candy canes but it might be those balls you made keeping me twinkling lol ....... so what about the blueberries?

Glad you all liked the joke... I know it made me smile.

Cheers!

LOL, I always forget jokes but try to keep this in mind !

I am going to buy our Christmas Tree today... and I can't get this joke out of my mind... I don't think I will look at the Tree the same way again...

Question: We now know what the tree is meant to represent and also the decorative balls on the tree... but how on earth do you explain what all the presents are underneath?????? Anyone have a clue?

Originally Posted by MandyN

I am going to buy our Christmas Tree today... and I can't get this joke out of my mind... I don't think I will look at the Tree the same way again...

Question: We now know what the tree is meant to represent and also the decorative balls on the tree... but how on earth do you explain what all the presents are underneath?????? Anyone have a clue?

lol .... hmmm .... I am going to venture a guess ... I am going to say that the presents are a distraction for the ladies, for if we are all absorbed in the presents we won't notice their decorative balls .... lol .... just another way of 'keeping us happy' .... do u think?

lmao... that sounds just about right... lol

Hey Mandy ... I found out what was under that tree ... lol ...

Looksee

lmao... Imaginations running wild here... lmao

Oh
My
Days
LMAO I love it *Emails to everyone*

Wicked!
Teri

We put up our tree today, and I kept thinking about this joke... my very capable and creative sweetheart was putting the decorations on the tree, and I was so tempted to say to him 'Hunni, don't worry about the tree, if you stood on your head in the corner we could decorate you instead'... but then I realised he's still too young for that... lmao

Originally Posted by MandyN

We put up our tree today, and I kept thinking about this joke... my very capable and creative sweetheart was putting the decorations on the tree, and I was so tempted to say to him 'Hunni, don't worry about the tree, if you stood on your head in the corner we could decorate you instead'... but then I realised he's still too young for that... lmao

lol Mandy .... better get this done while you are young, those "golden ages" are all about something else .... lol ... So get in the corner girl ... in six months time you won't want to nor will you fit ... lmao ... Report back after your mission ... gotta hear it!!!

Originally Posted by LadyEye

lol Mandy .... better get this done while you are young, those "golden ages" are all about something else .... lol ... So get in the corner girl ... in six months time you won't want to nor will you fit ... lmao ... Report back after your mission ... gotta hear it!!!

lol... he did such a great job with the tree, and such care was taken that I couldn't bring myself to asking him to dismantle it... and just as well, cause there's other corners in the room that can be decorated... lmao

lol Mandy .... are you sure that man of your's is not a woman ...

a definite different breed for sure .... you hit the jackpot ... does he vacuum, clean, do windows, do a little jig? lol .... those things are most important .... if they can dance and do a little fixing ... they're in and in the corner for sure ... lol

Originally Posted by LadyEye

lol Mandy .... are you sure that man of your's is not a woman ...

a definite different breed for sure .... you hit the jackpot ... does he vacuum, clean, do windows, do a little jig? lol .... those things are most important .... if they can dance and do a little fixing ... they're in and in the corner for sure ... lol

I definately hit the jackpot, and he surely is a man. He does all of the above and more, and the best part is, I didn't have to train him.
Awwww now look out, the happy hormones are kicking in... better stop before I embarrass myself. Plus don't want any of those baaaaaaad girls getting any ideas and try to score some roller skates... lmao

Originally Posted by MandyN

I definately hit the jackpot, and he surely is a man. He does all of the above and more, and the best part is, I didn't have to train him.
Awwww now look out, the happy hormones are kicking in... better stop before I embarrass myself. Plus don't want any of those baaaaaaad girls getting any ideas and try to score some roller skates... lmao

lol Mandy ... so he was "pre-trained" hmmm ....must have had a darn good momma ... agree about the roller skates, better lock him up, lol ... there are a ton of "skaters" out there and they like to "skate" and "donate" ... lol ...

I really think he must have been over your shoulder when you were typing that one, and you owed him some brownie points ... is this what happened? lol

God help us...............will this go on much longer? Afterall some mighty oaks live for hundreds of years.

Originally Posted by LadyEye

lol Mandy ... so he was "pre-trained" hmmm ....must have had a darn good momma ... agree about the roller skates, better lock him up, lol ... there are a ton of "skaters" out there and they like to "skate" and "donate" ... lol ...

I really think he must have been over your shoulder when you were typing that one, and you owed him some brownie points ... is this what happened? lol

I know he would never trade me for a pair of rollerskates, so it really doesn't matter how hard those naughty girls try... they won't get anywhere. He wasn't over my shoulder, but he's going to get a huge head if next time he logs in here he reads all this... ssshhhhh... don't tell him... lol