Thread: Joke : Men, what car will you get when you go to heaven?

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth.

Man 1: Please God, I can''''t count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all.

God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves.

Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me!

God: My man, I am ashamed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW.

Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses everyday after work, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out three times a week, and...

God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire!Two weeks later Man 1 and 2 are driving on the freeway when they see Man 3 ahead of them, stopped in the middle of the road in his Black Jaguar.

Man 1 and 2: Hey Man! Why are you sitting in your car and crying your eyes out? You''''re acting like some ungrateful bugger! Look at your car, man! What is your problem?!

Man 3: "I just saw my wife on rollerskates!"

lmao ... Just knew I would like this one right from the beginning ... lmao .... oh women, they are baddddddddddd!!!!!!!!! Nope, I do not own roller skates ...... lmao .....

No roller skates for me either... as for my ex husband, God would give him a truck with no engine, no seats, and no fuel, but with a tow rope attached to it... there is one catch though, the tow rope is for him to drag the truck behind him everywhere he goes. lol

Houch! that hurts.....lol
Ladies, Ladies go easy on us AMEN.
Poor man no.3......wife on roller skates, wasn't she cute.....roller skating.....lmao

awe, thas not good...bad girl...lol

Originally Posted by kassi59

awe, thas not good...bad girl...lol

Very Very Baaaaaaaadd Girl

well see thas why you dont get married...lol

Originally Posted by kassi59

well see thas why you dont get married...lol

I'm married so when I get Heaven I'll go topless again.....lol... you now what I mean...lmao

Maybe the rollerskates were her SECOND car?

awe darlin' I didnt mean anything to the married crew, what I should have said was if your 'like' that you shouldnt get married, but hey some like rollerskating...lol..not me I always fell...

you said topless, but you never said what you would be driving...lol

Originally Posted by kassi59

awe darlin' I didnt mean anything to the married crew, what I should have said was if your 'like' that you shouldnt get married, but hey some like rollerskating...lol..not me I always fell...

you said topless, but you never said what you would be driving...lol

Hey sweetie I know what you meant to say.....and you right....lol

And about what I'll be driving......the baby on the topless thread...lmao.....or maybe even a later model.....lol

Originally Posted by Astraltraveller

Hey sweetie I know what you meant to say.....and you right....lol

And about what I'll be driving......the baby on the topless thread...lmao.....or maybe even a later model.....lol

Ah cool, so then Ill know which to look for while Im driving by in my candy ***** red convertable mg.....lol
Ill wave!...lol

Originally Posted by kassi59

Ah cool, so then Ill know which to look for while Im driving by in my candy ***** red convertable mg.....lol
Ill wave!...lol

I'll wave back.....lol.....may we will even have a drink after that.....lol

Originally Posted by Astraltraveller

I'll wave back.....lol.....may we will even have a drink after that.....lol

Is that exceptable there? hmm...spose one can be bumped down to a roller skate....lol

Originally Posted by kassi59

Is that exceptable there? hmm...spose one can be bumped down to a roller skate....lol

I'm pretty sure after the (last) supper it was......lol
So why should it not be there.....lol

I like the way you think! Ill buy!...lol

Okay you two, you have both just lost the wheels off of your roller skates ... you are now downgraded to Walmart sneakers .... roflmao

Originally Posted by kassi59

I like the way you think! Ill buy!...lol

Ok Ok you can buy the first round but I buy a few rounds after that.....lol

Originally Posted by LadyEye

Okay you two, you have both just lost the wheels off of your roller skates ... you are now downgraded to Walmart sneakers .... roflmao

lol Lady... with their sneakers, they can catch a lift with my ex-husband and help pull his truck... lol

Originally Posted by MandyN

lol Lady... with their sneakers, they can catch a lift with my ex-husband and help pull his truck... lol

Exactly Mandy, lol too funny, that old truck doesn't have any tires, so they will be huffing and puffing, they should have used their energy on better things, like being angels, like you and I ... lol ....

Ok, what's been going on since I haven't been checking in! Manuel....are you going topless again!! lol

Hey Mandy,


Great one !

Originally Posted by MandyN

lol Lady... with their sneakers, they can catch a lift with my ex-husband and help pull his truck... lol

I know my ex is definately barefoot....lol....probably still crawling or should I say slithering.....lol.....

Originally Posted by kassi59

I know my ex is definately barefoot....lol....probably still crawling or should I say slithering.....lol.....

Too many good ladies.....lol.... and too little bad men......oooopppsss should be.....too little bad ladies....and to many good men.......roflmao

Hmmm... and from us unmarried folk...well now..makes one wonder ....about the rest of you nuts on this thread...lol...jk....baad men and women....lol...

The women are the worse, and Mandy started it, and she's pregnant by one of them men ..... lol .....

I'm keeping a diary on her, everyday, she loses a little something more, 7 more months to go too ... or darn near ....

After a couple more months, we'll call for Mandy ... and she won't even hear us ... lol ....

Originally Posted by Dream Lady

Ok, what's been going on since I haven't been checking in! Manuel....are you going topless again!! lol

Going topless again no, this time bottomless.....lol

Dammm..and he's mooning people again...

Originally Posted by beegud2

Dammm..and he's mooning people again...

What you mean again .....first time.....lol
With a little help from my 2nd in COMMAND...LOL

lol ... first time, second time .... it's very Bebuming of you ... lmao

keep trotting & wiggling ... we like it .... lol

Originally Posted by LadyEye

Exactly Mandy, lol too funny, that old truck doesn't have any tires, so they will be huffing and puffing, they should have used their energy on better things, like being angels, like you and I ... lol ....

lol... the eyes have it... angels they are... lol

Originally Posted by nlnieu16

Hey Mandy,


Great one !

Thanks nlnieu16

Originally Posted by kassi59

I know my ex is definately barefoot....lol....probably still crawling or should I say slithering.....lol.....

Maybe he is standing beside the road trying to hitch a ride, but he was also blessed with Harry Potters Invisibility Cloak, or should I have said cursed?... lol

Originally Posted by LadyEye

The women are the worse, and Mandy started it, and she's pregnant by one of them men ..... lol .....

I'm keeping a diary on her, everyday, she loses a little something more, 7 more months to go too ... or darn near ....

After a couple more months, we'll call for Mandy ... and she won't even hear us ... lol ....

Who me? I am an angel remember... true my brain cells are dying with each day, but I'm still an angel... I could never own 'rollerskates'... I'm just too unco-ordinated... lol

Originally Posted by MandyN

Who me? I am an angel remember... true my brain cells are dying with each day, but I'm still an angel... I could never own 'rollerskates'... I'm just too unco-ordinated... lol

That's right Mandy, the EYES are the Angels, it's THOSE OTHER WOMEN they are the ones we refer to ... lol .....

They BAAAAAAAADDDDD girls... lol

Originally Posted by LadyEye

That's right Mandy, the EYES are the Angels, it's THOSE OTHER WOMEN they are the ones we refer to ... lol .....

I'm wondering how many pairs of Roller skates I must ask god to have ready for you ladies........roflmao

Originally Posted by Astraltraveller

I'm wondering how many pairs of Roller skates I must ask god to have ready for you ladies........roflmao

let me know if you want me to pass them out while driving my candy ***** red convertible MG....lol....

Originally Posted by Astraltraveller

I'm wondering how many pairs of Roller skates I must ask god to have ready for you ladies........roflmao

Absolutely none! I'm too in love with my sweetheart to even think of you as a man... thinking, thinking... no, you still appear to be just like a girl to me... lol

Originally Posted by MandyN

Absolutely none! I'm too in love with my sweetheart to even think of you as a man... thinking, thinking... no, you still appear to be just like a girl to me... lol

Wow ... now that is deep, you must be in love .... and he is the ManAlien, I think your man has you brainwashed, lol ...

hey Mandy, I know we always say "It's the thought that counts" .... but he is the ManAlien and I have to respect my leader, he is a Man ... and if I keep those thoughts to myself, I'll still have my shiny convertible PT Cruiser .... lol

Originally Posted by kassi59

let me know if you want me to pass them out while driving my candy ***** red convertible MG....lol....

On your convertible you might need a trailer, not enough boot space....lol

Originally Posted by LadyEye

Wow ... now that is deep, you must be in love .... and he is the ManAlien, I think your man has you brainwashed, lol ...

hey Mandy, I know we always say "It's the thought that counts" .... but he is the ManAlien and I have to respect my leader, he is a Man ... and if I keep those thoughts to myself, I'll still have my shiny convertible PT Cruiser .... lol

ManAlien, WoManAlien... eh! what's the difference... lol

the lady might have been faithful and just chosen the roller skates so as to feel the air rush through her hair ........... it's possible. lol

Originally Posted by MandyN

ManAlien, WoManAlien... eh! what's the difference... lol

Me the man ....me THE LEADER.....LOL

Originally Posted by Astraltraveller

Me the man ....me THE LEADER.....LOL

Yes Manuel ... who were to whom I was referring ... (can't figure out why Mandy doesn't have alienishly thoughts of you, lol - oh yeah, maybe cause she's pregnant, lol)

You the ManAlien ..... the leader yes, but not with that capital L remember ....

lol

ManAlien - leader .......

Originally Posted by Mook25

the lady might have been faithful and just chosen the roller skates so as to feel the air rush through her hair ........... it's possible. lol

OMG... you could be soooo right. Then that is a lesson for her husband right? See, that's why men gotta learn to talk... lol Men, always jumping to conclusions... lol

Originally Posted by Astraltraveller

Me the man ....me THE LEADER.....LOL

Awwww.... don't take it personally Manuel... you know what they say... loves make you blind... I just can't see that's all... lol

Originally Posted by LadyEye

Yes Manuel ... who were to whom I was referring ... (can't figure out why Mandy doesn't have alienishly thoughts of you, lol - oh yeah, maybe cause she's pregnant, lol)

You the ManAlien ..... the leader yes, but not with that capital L remember ....

lol

ManAlien - leader .......

Ok Ok But I'm still the THE LEADER with all Capital letters....lol

oh .... so you want the capital L back do you .... okay, I can live with that .... you are the LEADER .... this is true, don't want to go losing my Red Stripe .... sounds too delicious with the chicken that is jerky ... lol ....

Originally Posted by MandyN

Awwww.... don't take it personally Manuel... you know what they say... loves make you blind... I just can't see that's all... lol

No problem Mandy no offence taken....lol
Love does make some people blind that's why they should wear Alien sunglasses....roflmao

Originally Posted by LadyEye

oh .... so you want the capital L back do you .... okay, I can live with that .... you are the LEADER .... this is true, don't want to go losing my Red Stripe .... sounds too delicious with the chicken that is jerky ... lol ....

Ho My What would I do with out you as my 2nd in COMMAND....LOL

Oh I can smell and taste it all now .... ooh la la .... thanks Beezy ... can't wait


Why ManAlien is the Leader, and he is the driver .... he has lots of experience driving Topless, just another special treat for the trip .... just not any mission that you can get a topless vodalien leader to drive now, right?

The bumps are all part of the trip, we'll flump and bump, it'll be fun, especially since you healed your legs, you'll be closer to da floor, right ....

don't worry, we'll have enough red stripe, we won't feel a thing .... lol

Originally Posted by Astraltraveller

Ho My What would I do with out you as my 2nd in COMMAND....LOL

Hmmm...probably passed out from wine pie..hee hee

Okay, I haven't been into the Red Stripe yet ...

Beez ... where is your post you made about who is driving the ship and worried about it being bumpy?

That is what my post above was referring to .....

oh my .... what is going on ....

roflmao

See What drinking does to you ...you're seeing things....lol...ummm actually I didn't think anyone saw that as I was still editing it and then accidentally erased it...wooopsie...really got stop drinking the alien wine fro mthe otherside....butterfingers...lol

Originally Posted by beegud2

Hmmm...probably passed out from wine pie..hee hee

No No was quite awake.....lol

Originally Posted by beegud2

See What drinking does to you ...you're seeing things....lol...ummm actually I didn't think anyone saw that as I was still editing it and then accidentally erased it...wooopsie...really got stop drinking the alien wine fro mthe otherside....butterfingers...lol

Well you have to be careful of the EYE, lol ... EYE sees it all ... lol

I didn't know what happened, I went searching, thought I was on the wrong ship ... lol ........ I thought I was gonna have to return to earth, lol .....

Okay, Red Stripe & Jerky Chickens are back in ....

phew ... glad that got sorted, lol

Originally Posted by LadyEye

Well you have to be careful of the EYE, lol ... EYE sees it all ... lol

I didn't know what happened, I went searching, thought I was on the wrong ship ... lol ........ I thought I was gonna have to return to earth, lol .....

Okay, Red Stripe & Jerky Chickens are back in ....

phew ... glad that got sorted, lol

Hey Beezzzz watch out for my 2nd in COMMAND she's got her eye on you, so don't step out of line......lol