Thread: Below the Belt ... lol - "On Marriage"

Had to share these ..... "Till Death do you part" lol

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.



At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."


A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."


When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finish

A little boy asked his father,

"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"

Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,

"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa

a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
(Maybe ManAlien can tell us if this is true, lol)

Then there was a woman who said,

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

" A Woman's Prayer:

Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death "

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up."

Ho my ho my....LayEye they are good.......lol.....

A young son asked,

"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
(Maybe ManAlien can tell us if this is true, lol)

Its sound familiar....I'm still trying to know mine after 18 years of marrage .....lol
Just kidding ...... she's a great lady.....lol

LOL! Very good! I liked them all - espeically the last one!!

You out did yourself Holly!! Great ones..I can relate to all of them!

lol Holly

"JollyHolly" my butt!

A little bitterness going on there, Missy? You should get together with Sharon and compare stories.....My! That would be a full afternooon, no doubt!


Funny though...Why???
LOL

lol Vasili

Is that bitter, butter or better ....

Just because my middle name is Elizabeth and I've already married 9 times, really doesn't leave me bitter only makes it better for the butter .... lol
Now how did u know ..... are you reading "The Frank" again .... geesh .... lol

Lol, very good.

Well,well,well more stick humor LE. Really good though. You already killed my appetite for spaghetti.

Originally Posted by choco777

Well,well,well more stick humor LE. Really good though. You already killed my appetite for spaghetti.

lol Choco .... it's all about the "Tequila" now ..... liquid diets, lol .....

What is this Mr V..............Have I told my stories?...Your a pip....LOL

Originally Posted by SChajin

What is this Mr V..............Have I told my stories?...Your a pip....LOL

lol Sharon ... psst ... let's go to the ladies room together ... lol cause me tinks you forgot a p .... lmao

Sharon...my good lady......I've not said anything that would besmirch your sterling reputation, nor give you cause to smack me one! LOL
I merely suggested that you would be able to appease some apparent frustrations held by our lovely JollyHolly with regard to "past flames" so to speak....

LOL

Originally Posted by Vasili

Sharon...my good lady......I've not said anything that would besmirch your sterling reputation, nor give you cause to smack me one! LOL
I merely suggested that you would be able to appease some apparent frustrations held by our lovely JollyHolly with regard to "past flames" so to speak....

LOL

you gonna believe that Sharon .... come to the ladies room, lmao ....

Looky HERE! Don't you believe any of that HollyFolly!

She just wants to get you in the restroom to see if yours are real....she wants to prove it to herself!

LOL



HA! Take THAT, you big HAM!

LadyEye:

The good Generals talent never ceases to amaze me, imagine typing with both feet in your mouth. WOW I'm impresed.

Originally Posted by circuspet.com

LadyEye:

The good Generals talent never ceases to amaze me, imagine typing with both feet in your mouth. WOW I'm impressed.

lol CP - the talent here in vodaland is only a tip of what talent really lies within .... And may I say, to impress you is quite an "Amazing Feat" (pardon the pun Liz, lol)

CP - Maybe Vasili has "Foot & Mouth" syndrome, lol .... sometimes I know I can actually hear his mumbles through my speakers, lol .... he's always mumbling, "CP - CP - CP - CP - CP" .... I always thought he was talking to his computer, but maybe it's you he's mumbling about ... lol

Impressed?? lol

Think that is a cool trick, do you?

You failed to realize that I am doing all of that BLIND, since I have my head up my a**!!!
Probably explains why I sometimes have such a sh**ty perspective on my web developments.......

I think I'm going to start calling you "Pooper the Pirate"!!


LOLOL

too funny, i got tears in my eye...

LMAO oh superb!!
"A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finish"
My brother in law used this line at my brother's wedding, just "he" instead of "she" lolol!

Ya see, I aint getting married soo woohoo lol
Teri

hi

Originally Posted by darklight

Ya see, I aint getting married soo woohoo lol
Teri

Why? Are you in prison? Did manalien lock you in the cargo hold? That monster.....

LOLOL

LMAO... Excellent Holly! ... ahhh so true, so true, so sad but true.

Don't forget the 3 rings of Marriage:
The Engagement Ring, The Wedding Ring, & Then the Suffering.

Originally Posted by Vasili

Why? Are you in prison? Did manalien lock you in the cargo hold? That monster.....

LOLOL

If I was married then I would be in prison lol..

Originally Posted by MandyN

LMAO... Excellent Holly! ... ahhh so true, so true, so sad but true.

Don't forget the 3 rings of Marriage:
The Engagement Ring, The Wedding Ring, & Then the Suffering.

lol Mandy ... nicely put, the only thing better would have been saying so over a plate of spaghetti, lol ..... and not to forget the dingaling ... lol ... oh I can you singing now ... oh funny ....

Vasili:

Speeking of blind, God makes us loose our eyesight as we grow older so we can still stand to look at our mates, deaf so we can have intelegent conversation, and feeble so we can understand their problems.

Originally Posted by circuspet.com

Vasili:

Speeking of blind, God makes us loose our eyesight as we grow older so we can still stand to look at our mates, deaf so we can have intelegent conversation, and feeble so we can understand their problems.

OK, that's it! Hand me the gun, would you?

LOL Holly... no please, anything but the spaghetti... lol

Singing... hmmm ... I would be singing a song by Shania Twain "If you're not in it for love, I'm outta here"... lol followed by "I will survive" by Gloria Gaynor, and last but not least a song by Kiss "I wanna rockn'roll all night"... lol

LOL circuspet... I like your sense of humor... or is it just the sad truth? ... lol

Vasili ... don't be so sad, turn that frown upside down, cause your in good company... lol

Can anyone explain to me why do humans insist on doing something with passion that they regret & complain about with passion? ... lol Go figure...

You need a pistol Vasili .... look out CP carries a swinging cutlass, lol

Mandy ... Excellent song choices for the topic at hand ... Wouldn't it be better if it was a Party for Two ... hmmm ....

Now your question lol ...

Doing gives us the right to complain. If you don't do, you have no right to complain ... and we like to complain right!! So you do it, complain about it, and the circle is complete ... lol ....

LadyEye:

Sounds like your explaining politics.

Lol.. that's a good explanation Holly... not sure if it is right, but it is good... lol