Thread: *****s and Wine

*****s and Wine

Women are like *****s on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take *****s from the ground that are not as good, but easy. The *****s at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality,they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right person to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men....Men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it is up to women to stomp the **** out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Leaves little for many to wonder why they don't eat out much.....

Oh here's one guy that is not afraid to climb to the top of that ***** tree... Only trouble is when you get to the top of that tree, what appears to be fantastic *****s... always turn out to be worse than the ones at the bottom! Those sweet *****s always turn out to be sour ones in the end!

Bad bad *****s!

Gravenstines............the best *****!
Golden Delicious........another good one!
Granny Smith............Yum!

..........try those ones.....ha ha

*****s can have hidden worms , and grapes (if they avoid the crush ) can always hang out a bit longer and turn into raisins: even old and shrivelled up, they are incredibly sweet and delicious!


neener-neener, NEE-nerrrrr !
LOL

It seems that I once read a story, it was a really old story, in which a woman had a fascination with an ***** tree, and it got some guy in a world of hurt. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

I think the moral of the story was when a woman starts talking about *****s, run away, fast!

Originally Posted by mwalsh62

It seems that I once read a story, it was a really old story, in which a woman had a fascination with an ***** tree, and it got some guy in a world of hurt. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

I think the moral of the story was when a woman starts talking about *****s, run away, fast!

and the other moral is when a guy starts drinkin' wine, run away, faster..

Originally Posted by larazovich

and the other moral is when a guy starts drinkin' wine, run away, faster..

Moral for men lol, but for me if I start drinking wine I quit running Lizzzzzzz , lol ..

me too is why I don't drink anymore...LOL

Originally Posted by larazovich

and the other moral is when a guy starts drinkin' wine, run away, faster..

“Wine makes a man more pleased with himself. I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.”
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

lol ... oh no here we go again, lol

But ................

This may be one clear indication of who is the smarter sex............
A woman and a man get into a car accident, and
it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but
amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman
says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a
woman... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing
left,but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a
sign from God that we should meet and be friends and
live together in peace the rest of our days."
The man replied," I agree with you completely;
this must be a sign from God!
The woman continued, "And look at this - here's
another miracle. My car is completely demolished but
this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break.
Surely God wants us to drink this wine and
celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man.
The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it
and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then
handing it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the
cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I will just wait
for the police..."

Originally Posted by larazovich

me too is why I don't drink anymore...LOL

Keeping the quantity of wine you drink is good Liz, lol ...

Originally Posted by LadyEye

lol ... oh no here we go again, lol

But ................

This may be one clear indication of who is the smarter sex............

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Originally Posted by mwalsh62

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

hmmmm.........

The only time a woman starts a sentence like that is when she is recalling something her father said to her ..... usually in a manner of "contrast" to the man she is belittling ......

Very Freudian...

*****s & wine.

LOL, It can give you more of a head ache, but I have had many great times with cider, so i will stick to the *****s that are on the ground. The ones at the top are often over priced & looking for a tan. Much prefer an honest fruit, than one of those forbidden one that’s at the top of the tree. lol

alright.......you guys asked for it......lol

Hidden worms?! There is always a tell tale sign - point of entry

.....and an ***** doesn't go bad until one gets spoilt......

Grapes have seeds...the choking kind, some grapes are nasty......and there's alot that go moldy before they become a raisin.

Oh yeah, and the forbidden fruit.......well that was the whole tree not just the top.

..........ha ha

lol

First of all, CL, I must say, based on your avatar, you clean up very nicely after Halloween!

Now, back to this serious subject. All things considered, I'd rather be a plum!

lol

You could have something there......I'll pick a peach

.......everyone knows I'm just jesting, I enjoy the battles.......lol

it's funny.........maybe I have a warped sense of humor, ha ha

A plum? Really?

Makes me thing about that old nursery rhyme: "Jack stuck in his thumb, and pulled out a plum...." -- which is enough to freak me out (keep thinking about a prostrate exam, which is just enough to make me "jam" outta there)!!!


LOLOL

Originally Posted by Vasili

A plum? Really?

Makes me thing about that old nursery rhyme: "Jack stuck in his thumb, and pulled out a plum...." -- which is enough to freak me out (keep thinking about a prostrate exam, which is just enough to make me "jam" outta there)!!!


LOLOL

Oh, what imagery!

I'll have to rethink my choice of produce. I guess bananas are out...

Originally Posted by mwalsh62

Oh, what imagery!

I'll have to rethink my choice of produce. I guess bananas are out...

As are many others, I imagine! LOL

Although, going with the "suggested theme" the only comparable mention I think is safe is "squash" since that is what is our ultimate fate!

LOL

I think we have taken this thread in a direction that was never intended, and in a manner, made the lady's point for her!

But at least it quieted them. Men Rule!

Originally Posted by mwalsh62

Men Rule!

Not!

Oh, let them have their fantasies..

Originally Posted by larazovich

Oh, let them have their fantasies..

Oh ... what a weak moment ... do you need some strength Liz ... lol ...

no no not weak, but misstated - what I meant to say was
"Let them have their delusions"

"No man is happy without a delusion of some kind. Delusions are as necessary to our happiness as realities."
- Christian Nestell Bovee

Delusions, speclusions! Gimme more of dat dere FINE Kentucky bourbon, boy!

Let the lasses say whatever they want.....when the bullets beging to fly, it will always be up to us to defend their honor, God Love 'em!
In the meantime, we have to watch our P's and Q's if we expect to eat.....

I'm single, and I learned to cook when I was 12 yrs. old, not goin' hungry tonight! (Doesn't hurt that I work in a restaurant!).

hmmm 'when the bullets beging to fly, it will always be up to us to defend their honor, God Love 'em!

Guess you missed the part where the witch said she was in the guard.. methinks we women can handle ourselves....

I couldn't agree more. Besides, I haven't met an "Honorable" woman in years.
And with the role models nowadays (re: Britney S., Amy W., Hilary C.), they may become extinct!

Awww!

I thought my last was very heartfelt and humorous.

P.S. Goodnight to all.

[quote=mwalsh62;191813]in a manner, made the lady's point for her![quote]

Men! Jeeesh!

Hi Vicki ... whatcha jeeshing about, lol ...
I'm picturing candles to match!!
I see now on the "misstated" Liz .lol . ur right ..
And I concur Mike, I thought so too .. anyway
Delusions .. better known as fantasies, lol

Here's One lol

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation takes place:

First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in our house next weekend!"

Second guy: "That's nothing. I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."

Third guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to fish, when they realize that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him, "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?"

Fourth guy: "I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge, and said, "Fishing or sex?" and she said, "Wear sun block."

Originally Posted by LadyEye

And I concur Mike, I thought so too .. anyway
Delusions .. better known as fantasies, lol

So I was censored! And it's not often that I get all warm and fuzzy, and now no one will ever know it happened! (Well, maybe not that warm, but certainly fuzzy!)

[quote=LadyEye;192273]Hi Vicki ... whatcha jeeshing about, lol ...
I'm picturing candles to match!!

Hi LE...custom candles, oooh I like that, but what do you want them to match?

I'm jeeshing because....well because....I don't know, guess I just wanted to say jeesh!

Jeesh, if your innuendo is what I believe it is, I think you ladies are teetering on that line now!

I plan to be teetering this weekend. Going to try Mike's "Espresso Martini" Woo hoo!

God Bless You!