Education today

royb · #1 06-14-2006, 06:30 PM

This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.
(GCSE is the British Secondary School exam for 16 year olds.)

1. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.
2. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.
3. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
4. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."
5. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.
6. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
7. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
8. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.
9. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.
10. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

kassi59 · #2 06-14-2006, 06:40 PM

Funny and a bit scary at the same time!...lol

Girlonthehill · #3 06-14-2006, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by royb

This is a compilation of actual student GCSE answers.
(GCSE is the British Secondary School exam for 16 year olds.)

.....
6. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.
7. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.....

LOL. You have got to laugh! The alternative doesn't even bear considering.

This brings to mind the occasion when I tried explaining, to my stepfather, how to pronounce Don Quixote's name. His reply - 'I'm English and I'll say it the English way!" which was, according to him, 'Don Kwiksott'.

royb · #4 06-14-2006, 08:01 PM

It makes you think about the future of our country. Then again its about the right qualifications for a future prime minister.

Girlonthehill · #5 06-14-2006, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by royb

It makes you think about the future of our country. Then again its about the right qualifications for a future prime minister.

Don't even go there Roy! Lol

royb · #6 06-14-2006, 08:07 PM

lol

limebrook1 · #7 06-14-2006, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by royb

Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence.

Thank goodness for the Magna Carta!

Vasili · #8 06-14-2006, 10:29 PM

My wife has one of those....she uses it stricly for shopping at the Mall.
Freaking HUGE shopping bags everywhere afterwards....and a bill to match!

LOL....Sad to say that most yanks graduating after 1980 don't even know what we are referring to.... In 1995, most American teens couldn't even find Vietnam on the globe or state significance in American History....and these are supposed to run our country soon?? God help us!

Lincslady · #9 06-15-2006, 04:26 AM

I like number 3 lol ....

circuspet.com · #10 06-15-2006, 05:46 AM

So it was that damn drake that cut everyone short with his 100ft clipper.
lmao

Girlonthehill · #11 06-15-2006, 06:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by circuspet.com

So it was that damn drake that cut everyone short with his 100ft clipper.
lmao

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