Top 5 Jokes

Mihir · #1 06-29-2006, 04:36 AM

Post the top 5 Jokes that made you laugh.

My Jokes:

1.
Application Form For Politicians

Application Form To Be Filled For Contesting Indian Elections ----------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Name of Candidate : _______________________

2. Present Address
(i) Name of Jail : _______________________
(ii) Cell Number : _______________________

3. Political Party : _______________________ (List ONLY the Last Five parties in the ******logical (Order)

4. Sex: [ ]
A - Male
B - Female
C - Mayawati

5. Nationality: [ ]
A - Italian
B - Indian

6. Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A - Defected
B - Expelled
C - Bought out
D - None of above
E - All of above

7. Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A - To make money
B - To escape court trial
C - To grossly misuse power
D - To serve the public
E - I have no clue (if you choose "D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a Recognized Government Psychiatrist)

8. How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A - 1-2 yrs
B - 2-6yrs
C - 6-15yrs
D - 15+yrs

9. Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

10. How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ] (Do not confuse with question

A - 1-2 years
B - 2-6 years
C - 6-15 years
D - 15+years

11. Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A - Why not
B - Of Course
C - Definitely
D - I deny it all
E - I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A - 100-500 Crores
B - 500-1000 Crores
C - Overflow... (Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A - No
B - No
C - No
D - No

14. Describe your achievements in space provided: [_________]
Thumb Impression of candidate (Not that of the person who filled the form)

2. Margaret Thatcher and her Cabinet were meeting over lunch to discuss an
important bit of impending legislation.

"And what will you have, Madam?" asked the waiter, approaching over with his
notepad.

"I'll have the Beef Wellington," replied the Prime Minister promptly, eager
to get on with the business at hand.

"And, for the vegetables?" continued the waiter politely.

Thatcher replied briskly, "They'll have the same."

3. Crowd Control

A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.

The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner."

No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!"

Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction.

Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"

"Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this was a bus stop."

4.
Bank Robbery Trial

After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank
robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and
entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge.

The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a
verdict in this case?"

"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the
bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back
to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman, and instructs the foreman,
"Please read your verdict to the court."

"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery,"
stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the
"not guilty" verdict, and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine
gratitude. The defendant's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what
do you think about that?"

The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on
his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says, "I'm real confused
here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?"

5. Catholic Police Nuns

A police officer had just pulled over a car full of nuns for going too slow on a major highway.

Police officer: "Why were you driving so slowly?"

Nun driver: "I kept seeing all these signs with the number 20 on them and figured that was the speed limit."

Police officer: "No, Sister, that is the highway number."

Nun: "Oh, I'm so sorry, Officer, I didn't know that."

Then the police officer looks into the back seat and sees that the nuns there have panic-stricken faces and white knuckles from holding on to each other too tightly.

Police officer: "What's wrong with the nuns in the back seat?"

Nun: "Oh, we just got off Highway 166 a few miles ago."

Reply soon.

beegud2 · #2 06-29-2006, 05:30 AM

Welcome to the BV family.

Good Ones - although the first one is gonna confuse a few folks who don't know India and it's systems.

bzzz

Mihir · #3 06-30-2006, 12:54 AM

Thank you! Yes, you are right about the first joke. You better call it India and its wrong systems!

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