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Thread: Pilots to Control Towers

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Alberton - South Africa

    Default Pilots to Control Towers

    Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers

    Tower: 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock

    Delta 351: 'Give us another hint! We have digital *******!'

    ************************************************** ************************************************

    Tower: 'TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.'

    TWA 2341: 'Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?'

    Tower: 'Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?'

    ************************************************** **************************************************

    From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: 'I'm bored!'

    Ground Traffic Control: 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself

    Unknown aircraft: 'I said I was bored, not stupid!'

    ************************************************** ************************************************

    O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: 'United 329 heavy, your traffic is a
    Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound.'

    United 329: 'Approach, I've always wanted to say this..I've got the
    little Fokker in sight.'

    ************************************************** **************************************************

    A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
    attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, 'What was your
    last known position?'

    Student: 'When I was number one for takeoff.'

    ************************************************** *************************************************

    A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll
    out after touching down.

    San Jose Tower Noted: 'American 751, make a hard right turn at the end
    of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the
    Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return
    to the airport.'

    ************************************************** **************************************************

    A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard
    the following:

    Lufthansa (in German): ' Ground, what is our start clearance time?'

    Ground (in English): 'If you want an answer you must speak in English.'

    Lufthansa (in English): 'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
    Germany .. Why must I speak English?'

    Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
    'Because you lost the bloody war!'

    ************************************************** **************************************************

    Tower: 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7'

    Eastern 702: 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
    after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
    the runway.'

    Tower: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702,
    contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from
    Eastern 702?'

    BR Continental 635: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and
    yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers.'

    ************************************************** **************************************************

    One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold
    short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed,
    rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some
    quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
    'What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?'

    The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with
    a real zinger: 'I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like
    yours and I'll have enough parts for another one.'

    ************************************************** **************************************************

    The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
    short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate
    parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from
    them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to
    the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British
    Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

    Speedbird 206: ' Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway.'

    Ground: 'Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.'

    The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

    Ground: 'Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?'

    Speedbird 206: 'Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now.'!

    Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): 'Speedbird 206, have you not
    been to Frankfurt before?'

    Speedbird 206 (coolly): 'Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I
    didn't land.'

    ************************************************** ***********************************************

    While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air
    flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to
    nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out
    at the US Air crew, screaming:

    'US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right
    onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there I
    know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D,
    but get it right!'

    Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:

    'God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort
    this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You
    can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I
    want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I
    tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?'

    'Yes, ma'am,' the humbled crew responded.

    Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
    silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to
    chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of
    mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely
    running high.

    Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed
    his microphone, asking: 'Wasn't I married to you once?'

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul 2006

    Wink Re: Pilots to Control Towers

    aaaaaaa lol

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Poplar Bluff, MO

    Default Re: Pilots to Control Towers

    Karen Williams
    Your Belief is Your Reality

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Colorado, USA

    Default Re: Pilots to Control Towers are making me feel very secure with those!! I leave Friday for Cyprus, via JFK, London then Cyprus....I'm gonna remember this!! LOL
    Cindy Smentowski

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    woodbourne new york

    Default Re: Pilots to Control Towers

    those are real funny.
    Funny Jokes and Redneck Pics

    "laughter is the best medicine"
    The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Kings Lynn Norfolk UK

    Default Re: Pilots to Control Towers

    Nice one! Got some good ones.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Essex, UK

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Alberton - South Africa

    Default Re: Pilots to Control Towers

    Glad you guys enjoyed them.....I found then so funny I just had to share them with you

    Hey!.. Trish good to see you

    CINDY greetings from THE LEADER and it's great to see you too again, it's been awhile since I heard from you here.....having fun I hope? have a great trip on Friday to you when you get back....

    Click Here to See the Vodaliens Album & Join the Club!! Sendyour personal photo to be alienated to the Vodalien Group

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Default Re: Pilots to Control Towers

    -Ed Larson

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Pilots to Control Towers

    LMFBO Those were great!!!

    Any excuse for non performance only weakens the charactor

    In God We Trust

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